Hello 😀
Hope you're having a good weekend. It's been a while, I haven't wrote on here for nearly 2 months now. I've nearly picked up the laptop and gone to write a blog post loads of times but I couldn't bring myself to actually do it. I've had the images for new products to review and edited but never did the post and now the products aren't new haha!!!
In complete honesty the beginning of this year has been pretty s**t. My mental health has been at an all time low from one thing and another. I've struggled to get out of bed and quite a lot of weekends I haven't even left the house. I can easily put a fake smile on at work and pretend I'm ok because lets face it that's easier than explaining whats actually wrong and I do keep my personal life to myself for obvious reasons.
They're are a few things that have been really getting me down and making my anxiety so bad. I am going to briefly say just because I think it will make me feel so much better to get it out of my head and wrote down.
Firstly my "Best Friend" is getting married next week. Was I invited...No! Lets go back a year to when I was asked to be bridesmaid and I was over the moon. Obviously I wanted too, we'd been friends over 10 years. Long story short I live half and hour away from her and the other bridesmaids and I don't drive yet meaning it was harder for me meet up with them. Yes I could get the train but my anxiety on trains on my own is something I don't even want to think about and it was going into the centre of Birmingham which is quite possibly the busiest city after London. I explained this along with the fact that I work full time but it wasn't accepted. If I couldn't comply with all the nights out, meetings up, events etc I basically couldn't be a bridesmaid. I had to chose between being a bridesmaid or my mental health, I even told her I was seeing a therapist for my anxiety. The text messages I received were heartbreaking, I still have them on my phone and keep re reading them which I know I shouldn't but I still can't believe what happened. At the time I showed numerous people the text messages and they couldn't believe what was on them and it was clear that the texts where part wrote by her new "Best Friend". I was told by family and friends that I needed to end the friendship, it was toxic but it was so hard. Now it's closer to the wedding I've been thinking and re going over in my head what happened. Lets just say that situation went on for months and completely destroyed me!!!!!
Secondly I'm trying my hardest to save a deposit for a house but they're so expensive, I feel it's near enough impossible. So I think renting is the best for now and then save while renting. The only thing that annoys me is mortgage payments are half of what renting is so I could easily cover a mortgage payment but the deposit is what they want these days which is what a lot of people struggle with......lottery tickets are being purchased ha! ;)
Last but not least you know when one thing breaks, it seems like everything else will break at the same time?? I still live at home and the roof leaked after a load of rain and then the bath broke. You don't realise how much you rely on a bath/shower until it's gone and everything is so expensive to replace.
It's been a hard few months but I'm hoping it's going to pick up and obviously it will because Christmas is on the way haha!!! I actually do feel better for getting that out, like I said this may become private in a few months but if any of you have anything causing anxiety or that's on your mind, writing it down certainly helps and even if someone can give you advice it helps so much if they understand how you feel.
The only things that help with my anxiety is having time to myself, a relaxing bath, fresh air and lately I've had that many panic attacks that I literally have to just sit there and breathe in and out just to try and remain calm.
Thank you for reading my rant 😉 I feel much better and I'm always here if you want to also unload or message me on twitter/instagram and I'll help as much as I can.
Thank you again.
Tash x
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